Thoughts of my Mind
by Lilas
Summary: Yusuke dealing with life and all its twist and turns... Yaoi/Thoughts of suicide/Violence.... One sided YusukexKurama (for now... Still have to decide on that one). **UPDATE**
1. Dear Journal

Disclaimer

Disclaimer: God I wish I DID own YYH!! But I don't...

Author's notes: For all the Americans or people living in America, happy Independence Day!! Hope you enjoy the fireworks! Anyway, this is my third fic, but the others were bad and I think this one is good to post. If you like it, I might do a sequel... I kinda have a little idea at the back of my head, but ideas would be very much appreciated. Read and enjoy... And as always, a little review would be nice.

***

Thoughts of my Mind

By Lilas

Have you ever wondered what would have happened to you if you're life hadn't changed for the worst? I guess everyone has, but not the way I think about it... It's impossible. You can't possibly wonder what would have happened to me if I hadn't saved that fucking kid from the car and been reincarnated. You can't wonder what would have happened to your fucking insignificant life if you hadn't, by some cheer accident, decided to save someone's life. 

I have. I have wondered over and over again where I would be if I hadn't died. For one, Kuwabara wouldn't be my friend. Two, my life wouldn't be as screwed up as it is... And three, I wouldn't have met _him_. I wouldn't have ever met that red head ass that made me fall head over heels for him. I love him so much it hurts... But it'll never happen. 

Why? Well, it's simple really... He loves that little fire demon, that little ass of Hiei! Why did I have to love him? Why couldn't I have stayed in love with Keiko? Why did she have to move away and make me realize just how much I loved him? Why did she leave when I needed her the most? I can't talk to anyone about this but her, and she's gone off to college in America, deserting me with my confused feelings.

I'm scared. Scared of what I'm gonna end up doing really soon if I don't talk to someone. I've been finding myself staring at my razor lately and it quite honestly scares the fuck out of me! I don't want to contemplate that thing as much as I do, but I can't seem to be able to stop and wonder... Wonder what it'd be like if I did end it all. Then I wouldn't suffer anymore.

But I can't do that. I've been given a second chance and I refuse to be so selfish as to throw it out the window because of a little heart break... I can make it through all this. I can make it through this trial without restarting smoking or cutting myself. I will make it through.

But how? I'm so lost... I've been trying to pay attention in school lately so I can live by myself, but it's so hard... It's so hard for me when all that's in my mind is him. Him and his voice, his hair, his smile... All I want all day long is to go to our meeting and see him. But then, I see him with Hiei and there's nothing I can do but think about my razor sitting in my bathroom so quietly and shiny.

I just want him to be with me once... Just once in my life I want to hold him and caress his hair and be able to tell him how much I love him. But I know I won't... After all, that's what I get for being his confidant. All he talks about is how much he loves Hiei and how much he wished the little ass would tell him what he thought so he could help him...

Help him... Why doesn't he help me?! I'm drowning and no ones there to help me. It's so hard, sometimes I wonder if I'll even make it through the day. But I have to... Besides, Kuwabara would never let me die. He's too good a friend to let me. He's been bugging me lately about talking to him, telling him what's on my mind. I don't know if I should.

I guess I'd help, but it's so hard. I don't want to bother him with my problems. I don't want a confidant that could betray me and tell Kurama what I feel just so I won't have to suffer. I guess that's why I bought you... So I could vent out my problems and not have to rely on anyone and the fact I might be burdening someone.

Oh, there's the doorbell. I bet it's Kurama again to complain about Hiei. But that's okay, as long as I get to see him and hear his voice, I'm happy. I just wish Hiei would see this and take his hand, accept his help.

Your new owner,

Yusuke.


	2. Discussion and Confessions

Disclaimer

Disclaimer: ~hugging Yus-chan~ Please don't make me say it!!! Please! I beg of you! Don't make me say I don't own him or any other character! Don't- Ah SH*T!!! I've said it. 

Author's note: Oooh! Look at that! I've decided to continue the fic! Well actually, I had already decided I wanted to continue it and then I got me3gogi review and so I thought 'Hmm... I got a review to continue, so I will!' And thus chapter 2!! So if I get more reviews (hinty hinty!!) I'll continue writing this! (Well, I will whether you want me to or not, but some reviews would be really nice....) So go read the fic and review it for all you're worth!!! Ok, so go read it!

***

Thoughts of My Mind- Discussion and Confessions

By Lilas

With a swift movement of his hand, the black haired boy closed his journal, his eyes radiating a sadness that didn't seem to belong in their depths. With a deep sigh, he slowly stood up and walked towards the door of the apartment, quickly glimpsing towards the bathroom, his mind picturing the razor he had mentioned several times in his secret book.

He shook his head and opened the door, a fake smile on his face. As he expected, in front of him stood his red head friend, a smile on his face as well. His pink reddish uniform clung casually down his frame and followed his every movement as he stepped inside the apartment, nodding his head to his friend.

"Hello Yusuke. How are you this fine Friday afternoon?" he asked casually as he strode in and seated himself on the sofa.

"I've been better..." he mumbled under his breath as he sat down in the chair, hoping that had been enough for the red head beauty now sitting in front of him.

The boy titled his head to the side, examining his black haired friend with a skeptical eye. His hands rested casually on his laps as he moved his gaze around the house, assessing the disorder and calculating how long his friend had been by himself.

"'Kasaan hasn't been here for a week," he spoke, his voice edged with hatred but worry all the same.

"I see... How have you been getting the money to eat?" the other boy asked, looking towards the spotless kitchen...

"I manage," was the short, simple reply he gave, his eyes never looking at the red head.

He didn't need to know he was close to having no money at all to feed himself... He didn't have to know he hadn't been eating right for the last week or so. He didn't have to know his mother was trying her best to get the money for food while paying for the school as well. It had crossed his mind already to drop school so he could help with the finances, but his mother wouldn't let him and ended the discussion before it even started.

"I see..." the soft voice answered back, shattering his thoughts.

An awkward silence fell on both boys as they stared around the house but at each other. Yusuke's eyes slowly trailed back towards the bathroom, his mind screaming for him to look away right then... But he couldn't... As hard as he was trying, he seemed unable to rip his mind away from that small, shiny object sitting on his sink. 

"Yusuke?" the small voice asked as a hand fell on his shoulder.

Involuntarily, the boy started and he looked up, his eyes wide as he stared at the boy now merely inches away from him. As soon as his gaze locked on the emerald eyes of his friend, he found himself drowning in them and instantly scolded himself for even thinking that!

"Is there something you need from the bathroom?" he asked again when the other boy had failed to answer him.

_'Yeah, there is! I wanna go kill myself and throw my life back at Koenma's face!'_

"No... There's nothing there... I was just lookin'," he replied, his eyes breaking the contact as they once again gazed at the floor.

"Yusuke, I wanna talk about something different this time," the boy replied as he sat down next to his friend, his hand never leaving his shoulder.

"Huh? What do you mean Kurama?"

"I don't want to talk about Hiei with you this time..." He paused, waiting for a reply and continuing once he'd not gotten one. "I wanna talk about you. About you and your problems... You never tell me anything anymore," he continued, sadness hinted at the back of his voice. 

"Problems? I... I don't-"

"Don't give me that! You've been looking so down lately... And I'm worried. I'm not the only one either," the red head cut him off, his hand tightening on his shoulder.

"Who else?" the boy asked, a small hint of pleading in his voice as he unconsciously leaned forward.

"Well, Kuwabara for one has been constantly asking me if I know what's wrong with you and-"

"There's nothing wrong with me!" the boy snapped, suddenly standing up and clenching his fists next to his body.

"Then what's wrong? You're more spaced out then ever and it's just so not you..." his friend questioned looking up at fiery chocolate brown eyes.

"I... I'm just frustrated..." he spat out, turning around and punching the wall behind him with his right fist, a small dent creating under the pressure.

"At what?"

"Couldn't she at least _call_ me?! Just to _tell_ me where she is?!" he shouted out, clenching his right fist even tighter and bringing it to his face, watching the small droplets of blood splash onto the ground. "I get worried too..." he continued, lowering his arm and staring at the floor.

"Yusuke..." the red head murmured, slowly getting up and wrapping his hand on the bruised knuckles. "Let's go take care of this first," he continued, leading the smaller boy to the bathroom and getting the first aid kit.

All the while, the black haired youth only concentrated on the various feelings running through him as Kurama's body heat traveled up and down his spine, filling him with a warmth he hadn't felt for what seemed to him could be eternity. All he wished for was that he wasn't dreaming, that his secret love was indeed holding his hand and taking care of it... That-

"There, all done," his soft voice spoke out, shattering once again the other boy's thoughts.

"Arigatou, Kurama-kun," he whispered, looking down at his now bandaged hand.

"She's fine Yusuke... You know she's a strong woman. She wouldn't let anyone do anything to her..." the boy whispered, once again placing his hand on his friend's shoulder.

"I know... But I'm not worried about what others will do to her... I'm scared about what she'll do to herself..."

A short silence, followed by a soft sigh and a stronger grip on his shoulder made the black haired boy look up to the emerald eyes of his friend. With a small nod, he made his understanding of his unspoken words known and pushed the hand squeezing his shoulder away so he could make his way out of the bathroom.

"Anything else you want to talk about?" he persisted as he followed his friend back to the living room.

"No... We can talk about Hiei now..." the other one replied, titling his head backwards and grinning as he saw the now upside down red head blush.

"Well... I... Are you sure you don't mind me going on and on about him? I mean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable with all this sappy talking and-"

"No!" the younger boy interrupted him raising his hands up. "I love hearing you talk," he finished, his voice low and soft.

"Well... If you feel that way... Domo Arigatou Yusuke-kun... For listening to my problems..." the red head replied, bowing slightly and quickly.

"No problem, Kurama... And don't bow. You know it make me all queasy..." the boy replied smiling as he friend blushed yet again.

"Hai... I know... It's fun to make you get that way..."

"Kurama!" A small silence and then, in a small, irritated voice, "What did he do this time?"

"Oh Yusuke... What am I to do?" the boy next to him wined, placing both hands on his face as small, hot tears made their way down his cheeks. 


	3. Doubts and Belief

Disclaimer

Disclaimer: ~crying~ Oh Yus-chan!!! Why oh why do I not own you?! I want to!!! But I don't!!

Author's note: Well, I got one review for the last chapter and that made me very happy! But I really wish I could get more... ~sniffles~ That's okay! I love writing this fic and I hope you guys love reading it! Well, I should tell you a bit about how the format is gonna be... One chapter is gonna be Yusuke writing in his journal and the other is gonna be third person... I still don't know if it's gonna be a YusukexKurama but stick and find out! 

Another thing... I'm leaving to Brazil in three days so if no new chapters come out in the next month or so, that's why. I'm hoping to get my hands on a computer and an internet, but you never know...

Ok, that's it! Sorry to bore you guys but now you can go and read the fic!!

***

Thoughts of My Mind- Doubts and Belief

By Lilas

Saturday, November 13

10:40AM

Dear Journal,

Have you ever wondered why the hell your life is so fucking incredibly messed up?! I mean, do you believe in karma and that you fucked up in your past life and that you're now paying the price for your past incompetence? Or is it that the 'Big Boss' up there, who I happen to _know_, is laughing his big fat mouth at you and trying his best to make your life miserable?

Yesterday, when Kurama came over, he tried to get me to talk about what was bothering me… What was I supposed to say, dammit?! I'm starting to get depressed because I'm hopelessly in love with you and all you do is talk to me about Hiei?! I couldn't say that… Even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't. After all, I'd already told him that I didn't mind and that I actually enjoyed listening to him… Well, that wasn't really a lie. I did enjoy listening to him… just didn't enjoy listening to him talk about that asshole! There's a difference, right?

So I just sat there, listening to him cry and whine about how the fire demon wouldn't talk to him and kept avoiding him whenever they were together… and it hurt more than dying. I should know… I don't understand why Hiei won't accept Kurama's help. If my life was as messed up as Hiei's (which I'm starting to wonder about), I would jump at the opportunity to have someone to hang on to... Or would I?

I don't know… Kuwabara's been trying to get me to talk and I've seriously been debating whether I should or not… I really want to tell someone, someone real who can give me advice on what to do to make all this hurt and guilt go away… But whenever I make my mind up to talk to him, I get scared. I don't know of what or even why I get so frightened, but I just… do. And it fucking bugs me! 

I mean, how are people supposed to help me if I won't take the first step and talk to them? I _need_ to talk to them. I know that much, but I can't seem to be able to make myself talk... How can I tell them my problems without telling them? Is it even possible? This is so confusing... What am I gonna do? What if I do something stupid? Then what?

Well, for one, Botan would kick my ass to the Makai and back and then I think Koenma would have his turn... I wonder if Koenma knows about the hurt I'm going through... That annoying little brat always seemed to know when I had a problem, so where is he now? Where's that little horror when I need him the most?!

I'm so scared... I'm so lonely... I don't know if Kurama understood me when I told him I was afraid for my mom. She can get carried away when she's alone and do really stupid stuff... Stuff I wouldn't even do! I've caught her doing some really dumb things once or twice, and that was in the house... Now I don't even know where she is or with whom she is! She could be doing anything... From drugging herself to killing herself!

I... I don't want her to die... She may not be the best mother out there, or act like a mother at all, but I love her... Gods do I love her! I don't think I've ever told her though... That would be the thing I would most regret if she dies. To never have told her how much I love her and worry about her...

This is not fair! She's not the one that's supposed to go out and get drunk and drugged, I am! I'm the bad kid here... She's the one that's supposed to be safe and sound at home watching TV or worrying about my sorry ass... Not the other way around.... Not this way. 

I keep wiping my tears from my face and looking up at the door, expecting her to barge in more drunk than a dragon that's drunk milk, but she's not coming... I've been waiting for a week, and she still hasn't shown up. I'm so worried about her... She's never gone out this long without calling or telling me she'd be coming home later than expected, and it scares me.

What if something happened to her? What if- what if she's dead and I don't know? What if she's hurt...? I don't know what to do anymore. I want to talk to someone about this... I wonder if Kuwabara's home. No, I can't call. I have to talk to him face to face, but I don't know if I'll have enough courage to tell him everything... Everything, including my constant peeking at the razor. 

I think that's what scares me the most. The fear of how far I would go if things went really down hill. They say after you've hit rock bottom, there's nothing else to do but climb back up... If that's true, then how come people commit suicide? I think that's going even further than rock bottom, ne? I mean, to climb back up, you have to have some sort of light, of hope... But those that don't sink even further, right?

I wonder if I'll ever do that... Commit suicide that is. I don't want to, Gods know I don't, but what if, one day, I'm lost and everything is going wrong and I can't take it anymore... Then what? Would I stop and think and tell myself it's just another bad day or would I blow everything to hell and snatch that fucking razor out of the sink? I don't know...

Honestly, I don't even want to think about it... I'm too much of a coward to do or think about that. It's funny figuring what I do for a hobby, don't you think? I wish Keiko were here... Then I'd have someone to talk to who knows me more than I know myself. She could pinpoint what was wrong with me by just looking at my face! I need her to be here... I need her to help me climb back up... 

She's called once since she left to America... She was calling from her house and said she could only talk a little bit because the bill was going to kill her parents. We talked for five minutes or so and caught up in all the news, but five minutes isn't enough... I didn't have time to tell her about my disastrous love life... I wish she'd visit. She said she'd call when she would, but it's been almost a year since I last heard from her...

But her education is much more important than calling me... Isn't it? If she gets a good job, then she can call me all the time! And we could talk for hours and hours until we'd grow tired of each other... It'd be nice...

Look at that, I'm smiling... I haven't smiled in a while. I've been too busy worrying about 'Kasaan and school... Test week is coming up and I have to pay more attention than ever... I haven't had time to get into fights much lately and I guess it should be a good thing; but the truth is that it's a way to relieve my pent up stress and I since I haven't fought in awhile, I'm ready to blow! That's okay though... I'm learning how to control myself...

Well, it's eleven and I'm getting hungry... Once again there's nothing to eat here because I don't have enough money to buy food at the supermarket so I'll have to settle for fast food... I'm gonna go look for a part time job today, see what I find... I need some money and fast. I'm too stubborn to ask anyone to lend me some and I can't wait for 'Kasaan to send me what she has... Besides, I have to pay the school soon.

I'll be going then. Until next time I write, ne? Not like you have any saying in this...

Yusuke.


	4. Anger Management

Disclaimer: Dun own it. But damn do I wish I did!  
  
Author's note: *cowers behind a couch* Maaaah!!!! Don't kill me!!! *cries!* I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I know I haven't updated in the longest time, it's just that I had pretty much given up on this fic. I thought it was crap, but I'm finding myself getting so many reviews to continue! And admittedly Shadow Cat scared me into posting this, so thank her for this chapter. I'm going to change the plot from what I had originally because I lost my draft, but I'm still open to ideas. Hmm... So enjoy!  
  
//this means thoughts//  
  
***  
  
Anger Management By Lilas  
  
Sighing slowly, the boy closed the pen and picked the book up, placing it on top of his nightstand, his eyelids half shut as he lingered to take his hand away. Finally, with grace unknown to him, he released the notebook and stood up, his white shirt straightening itself as it flowed down his body with ease. Flattening his loose jeans with a swift motion, he grabbed his blue jacket and made his way to the door, grabbing the keys on the way out and locking the door.  
  
As he stepped out the messy apartment and into the fresh morning air, he winced slightly at the sun rays before closing his eyes and standing still for a couple of seconds, enjoying the feel of the breeze on his hair and face. Shoving the keys in his pocket, he marched down the steps with a smile on his face, trying as best as he could to mask his inner turmoil.  
  
First things first..... He needed to eat breakfast. Maybe a bagel, or whatever they were called, at that new American place would do the trick. He saw Kurama eating one a couple of days ago, and it looked pretty good. It wouldn't kill him to try one anyway. With a slight shrug, he had decided on his breakfast, hoping he'd have enough money. He was about to step down the last step when he stopped in mid-track at the sight in front of him.  
  
There stood Kuwabara, his eyebrow set into a frown as he glared at the tanned boy, now frozen in place, in front of him. Slowly stepping closer, he placed his hands on both railings, blocking Yusuke's exit. It didn't really matter since the boy in question was now immobile, remembering what Kurama had told him the day before.  
  
//'Just my luck to run into him... Now I'll be questioned again and-'//  
  
"Have you eaten breakfast yet?" a cheerful voice despite the previous frown asked, breaking his thoughts.  
  
"Er... No... I was about to and-"  
  
"Good. My treat, let's go," he cut him off, grabbing the shorter boy's hand and dragged him along towards the restaurants. "What do you want? Did you have anything in mind?"  
  
"Well, I was gonna go try out some of those bagel things but-"  
  
"Great! I've been dying to try them too. Kurama seems to like them a lot... That guy is always eating one," the taller boy cut him off again, not really caring either, while still dragging his friend through the streets by his wrist.  
  
"Uh, Kuwabara...?" he started, hesitant. When the older boy glanced back at him, showing he had his attention, he smiled slightly and pointed at the wrist that was tightly grasped in the red head's grip. "I won't run away..."  
  
Stopping in his tracks, the read head stared at the smaller boy behind him, his lips in a tight line and his eyes scrutinizing the other boy's face. Slowly he eased his death grip on the hand and allowed it to be dropped next to the body it belonged to. He watched as a goofy grin crossed the black haired in front of him, but did not return the gesture, keeping his face serious and slightly angered.  
  
"What's wrong? Yukina dumped you?" the tanned boy asked, a joking tone in his voice.  
  
"Please tell me what's been bugging you Yusuke..." the boy pleaded, his voice soft and low.  
  
Stepping back as if his best friend had suddenly slapped him, the boy's mouth gapped open in surprise at the question while his eyes bulged out. Having allowed the slight fall of his wall, the boy silently scolded himself and violently shook his head.  
  
"Nothing's wrong with me. What makes you think that?" he asked faking astonishment.  
  
"Are you depressed?" came the quick and simple reply.  
  
"W-what?!" the shorter boy shouted, this time genially taken aback.  
  
"You don't get into brawls or play video games anymore. And I heard the teachers saying you're doing badly in class. What's wrong?" the red head continued, taking a step forward towards his friend.  
  
"Nothing's wrong with me! I don't know where you got the idea that-"  
  
"Goddamn Yusuke! Just tell me already! It kills me to have to watch you fall apart because you won't reach out! I'm here for you so talk to me!" the boy shouted, placing both hands on the smaller youth's shoulders and shaking him slightly for emphasis.  
  
//'Reach out. He's taking the first step for me. Maybe I could.'//  
  
"Stop it!" the black haired youth yelled breaking free of his friend's vise grip on him. "I don't want to tell you! I don't wanna burden you with my problems! You already have enough problems to deal with without me yapping my heart out to you!" he continued angrily, making his way past his friend.  
  
A sudden pressure on his neck from the front of his shirt collar made him stumble back to his original spot in front of Kuwabara, but before he could react a sharp pain in his abdomen caused him to double over and fall to his knees onto the pavement. Squinting at the morning sun, the boy gazed upwards to come face to face with his friend's death glare. The latter slowly bent down and grabbed his collar, hauling him up to his feet to face him.  
  
"I refuse to explain this slowly to you because I think you're smart enough to understand it. I am your friend Yusuke. I have helped you through everything since you died and I am not about to stop! Now you're going to either willingly tell me what's eating you up or I'll beat it out of you!"  
  
"Force is usually considered a bad idea on depressed people." the boy commented, sarcasm dripping on his voice.  
  
"Well, you said you weren't depressed so now spill it," his friend replied back, venom haunting every syllable.  
  
Lowering his head so it touched his chest, the boy sighed dramatically and allowed his weight to be carried into the red head's hands. He had two options, shut up and get beaten up by his friend or spill everything out into the open. Neither were good choices. He wanted to stick to his original plan and keep to his journal, but he also knew that if he kept everything to himself, he'd do something incredibly dumb. Like grab that shiny razor off the counter of his bathroom and bring it up to his wrist and-  
  
"Well?" the low and threatening voice of his friend once again broke his thoughts, impeding him to continue them any further then what they had gone.  
  
Deep inside him, the youth felt his walls explode and in a swift movement he punched the boy's face and threw him onto the ground, following him and straddling him to the ground under him. Without hesitation, he threw a curtain of punches down towards his friend, but in his fury, he didn't care that none of them reached their goal. All he wanted was to let out the built up anger in him, and Kuwabara had given him the perfect punching bag.  
  
The fury inside him didn't last long, and soon enough he stopped his fists and dropped them to his sides, slumping his shoulders in exhaustion as he sat down next to the boy, his legs to his chest and his forehead on his knees. He flinched slightly as he felt the weight of a hand on his shoulder, and as hard as he tried, he couldn't hold back the flow of the tears that slipped past his closed eyelids.  
  
"Yusuke. Please." the soft voice coaxed him as the hand on his shoulder moved to his back and made small, comforting circles.  
  
"I. I don't. Damn it Kuwabara! It's all falling apart!" he yelled into his knees, the tears never ceasing.  
  
"Tell me Yusuke. I swear I won't tell anyone, not even Kurama or Hiei. Just, please, don't keep it all bottled in." the red head pleaded, encircling his arms around the smaller boy, never ceasing the motion of his hand on the boy's back.  
  
"I. I want." he started, his eyes closed and his head in the groove of his friend's shoulder. "I want all this to stop. I want things to be like they were before I met Kurama! Before everything." he mumbled softly, a sob breaking past his lips and shaking his body.  
  
"Yusuke, what's wrong? Did Kurama do something? Please, tell me. I'll break his fucking neck if he-"  
  
"Dammit Kuwabara! I'm in love with him!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, his fists clenching on a piece of Kuwabara's yellow jacket.  
  
Pure and agonizing silence followed the unexpected confession and the tanned boy cursed himself for ever having thought that Kuwabara would understand him, would accept his feelings towards his best friend. What had he done? Now Kuwabara probably hated him and would probably start treating him like a freak!  
  
"Does. Kurama know?" the surprised voice asked softly.  
  
"N-no." he replied as softly. Suddenly, he pushed himself away and fiercely dried his tears and looked at his friend quickly before turning his gaze to the ground. "Look, I'm sorry for everything and I understand if you think I'm a freak or something and if you don't wanna be my friend anymore. After all, that's how people are nowadays. And I'm really sorry for ruining everything that we built and-"  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about Urameshi?!" the red head yelled as he abruptly stood up. The boy in front of him winced slightly at the tone of voice and shut his eyes tightly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. But you're getting the wrong signals here! First of all, you're not a freak. Well, if you take aside the fact that you're a reincarnated half youkai detective for the Spirit World and that your father was the king of Makai and that you also are one of the most powerful beings alive. You're not a freak."  
  
A soft chuckle escaped the black haired boy's closed lips and his frightened stature disappeared as he slowly opened his eyes and looked at his friend's gentle eyes. Slowly raising his hands so the boy could see where they were heading, the red head placed them once more on the smaller boy's shoulders.  
  
"Second of all, I'll always be your friend. I'll always be one of your best friends and you can always count on me. And I will keep my promise. I won't tell Kurama anything if you come talk to me when you've got a problem."  
  
"Domo arigatou, Kuwabara." the boy murmured, small droplets of tears making their way down his cheeks.  
  
"Anything else you need?" the other youth asked, applying a slight pressure on his friend's shoulders.  
  
"Any ideas where I could get a part time job? Okassan hasn't been home for over a week and I'm running low on money." the youth whispered, a slight blush of embarrassment tinting his cheeks.  
  
"A week? She didn't write or call. Or anything?" A quick shake of the head answered the boy's questions and he sighed softly. "I'm sure she's fine."  
  
"I don't know Kuwabara. She gets so carried away when she's alone, I'm afraid she could have done something to herself." he mumbled softly, his gaze once more on the pavement.  
  
"Someone would have called. You should have more faith in your mother. After all, she does in you," the boy replied, patting his friend's back and pushing him forward. "Now, let's go get breakfast and then go look for a job you could do!"  
  
"You'll. help me?" the black haired asked astonished, turning his head sideways trying to look at his friend.  
  
"Of course! Didn't I tell you I was gonna help you through this?" he replied matter of fact.  
  
"Well. Those weren't really your words, but I guess that's what you meant."  
  
"Urameshi. You're gonna end up killing me with your bad jokes one of these days."  
  
"I'll take that as a compliment," the boy replied, breaking loose of the grip on his shoulder and running ahead, a smile spread on his face.  
  
"Yusuke you bastard!" the red head shouted, starting after his runaway friend down the streets. 


End file.
